


He's Funny That Way

by Delphi



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Nero Wolfe - Rex Stout
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Dom/sub, First Kiss, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:49:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delphi/pseuds/Delphi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times that Arji obeyed his employer; or, five times that Wufa looked after his dogsbody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Funny That Way

"You're bleeding."

That was the first thing the fat man behind the desk said to me. If I hadn't been forewarned by Sol, it probably would have been an admonition to sit down, but as it was, I had already parked myself in the wing-back chair on the other side of the desk and was ready to earn the other half of my fee by reporting in. 

My fingers went to my earlobe and came back wet. A guy didn't get much practice scrapping with metalbenders in the South Pole. Luckily, it turned out I was a fast learner.

"It's just a scratch. You should see the other guy," I said, and as I figured he sounded more offended than concerned, I started relating the night’s events. "You were right about Zhang, by the way. I tailed him to the Yue Docks—" 

"Do you not have a handkerchief?" he interrupted. 

"Are you for real?" I asked.

The look on his face assured me that he was. "Do you or do you not have a handkerchief?"

"I'm not going to bleed on your nice expensive rug, if that's what you're worried about." I was actually bleeding on the only good shirt I owned, but at that moment, I was still too high on the chase to care.

His eyes narrowed. His eyebrows rose one-sixteenth of an inch. He sat back in his chair and folded his hands over his stomach, looking at me with the disgruntled patience of a stone lion turtle. 

I waited. 

He waited.

Then I took out my handkerchief with a sigh and dabbed at my ear. "Like I said, I tailed Zhang to the docks..."

* * *

"Is there something wrong with your salad?"

I wouldn't have admitted it then, but in some ways I was still fresh off the boat and frosty behind the ears when I moved into Wufa's townhouse. Don't get me wrong, my elbows were off the table and I was chewing with my mouth shut, but while I had transitioned easily from a diet of blubber and sea prunes to the Republic City staple of fried meat on a stick, Wufa's level of cuisine was something else.

"We don't exactly do vegetables in the Water Tribe," I said diplomatically. I had picked out all the jellyfish from the dish, leaving radishes, cucumbers, and something orange behind. 

"One might deduce from the lack of ice and penguins in the general environs," Wufa said harshly, picking up a radish between his chopsticks, "that we are not at the South Pole. You are a young man. You require vegetables."

I looked at the salad doubtfully, reflecting that nothing so colorful could be edible.

"Shall I tell Fa Tzu you don’t care for it?" he asked. He paused and then bellowed: "Fa Tzu!"

Slippered footsteps approached from the kitchen. The old chef's mild face peered around the doorway. "Is something the matter, sir?"

Wufa gestured at me expansively—which is to say, he flicked his wrist and pointed a chopstick in my direction. "Arji has an opinion to express about your saengchae."

Fa Tzu looked at me seriously, and in his earnest expression I saw an imminent end to the bottomless glasses of sweet coconut milk and midnight fish sandwiches.

I forced a grin as I picked up a sliver of the orange stuff. "The salad’s tops, Fa Tzu."

* * *

I was almost as surprised as the police were when Wufa appeared at the station. At the time, I was enjoying the hospitality of Republic City's finest and walking the thin line between client confidentiality and keeping myself out of a jail cell, when the interrogation room wall suddenly slid open and there he was.

In a premature moment of triumph, I nearly checked off "Earth Kingdom" on a private list of questions and guesses I'd been compiling, but then I caught sight of a cowering corporal half-hidden behind Wufa's bulk.

"Nice hat," I said, unable to keep the grin off my face.

It wasn't a particularly funny hat. The walking stick in his hand and the overcoat draped over his broad shoulders weren't funny either, but I had never seen any of them before. I had never seen him outside the house before.

He ignored me.

"Who let you in here?" Chief Beifong snapped.

Wufa stood up straighter. The effect was like a small mountain warming up for an avalanche. "This is a public building, is it not? Staffed by employees of the taxpaying public? The Dai Li have not staged a coup while I was unaware?"

The smile grew on my face as Beifong performed her best impression of swallowing a live pentapus. 

"Is my employee under arrest?" Wufa asked.

"He’s being questioned as to just what he was doing at a murder scene—"

"Is he under arrest?" he asked again.

Beifong’s jaw worked sourly. "Not. At. Present."

Wufa turned and strode out as if the matter were settled. In his mind, it probably was. "Arji!" he barked. "Home!"

I got to my feet with a half-sympathetic shrug in Beifong's direction. I held out my hand, and she grudgingly returned my flask of water. Then I rode the rock slide out like I’d planned it myself.

* * *

"Sit down."

"No," I said. "No, I will not sit down. There’s a killer out there firing for you, and I don’t intend to twiddle my thumbs and wait for him to get here."

"Arji, sit down. The house is secure."

The walrus yak himself was beached behind his desk, reading the newspaper and drinking a glass of beer. I paced the office, knowing it annoyed him and not inclined to give a damn at the moment. 

"A thousand yuan says it’s Zolt behind this." I ran a hand through my hair. The rest of my head was already down in Dragon Flats, planning a way into Zolt’s social club.

"That would seem to be a logical conclusion, yes." He turned a page and pursed his lips at the stock listings.

I stopped. "What’s that supposed to mean? Do you know it’s Zolt? Or are you saying someone’s making it look like Zolt? Or—"

"Sit _down_ , Arji."

The violent rustle of the newspaper suggested he meant business. Glaring, I flopped down into the armchair and sank into a slouch that certain parties found particularly obnoxious. I sat still for a moment, waiting for him to lift his glass. Then my thumb and forefinger flicked together, and the beer froze before it touched his lips. 

He merely snorted and set the glass back down. "Jackanapes."

* * *

"Be quiet, Arji."

The worst thing about taking a lightning bolt to the chest—if you're lucky enough to survive it—isn't the pain. It's the smell. My shirt was still smouldering when Wufa folded down beside me on the office floor, and to this day, I remember the way the aroma of beer and aftershave chased away the stench of burning linen and bad barbecue. 

In the distance, an approaching ambulance whooped and wailed. I couldn’t hear my own voice, but I must have been babbling, because Wufa said again, his voice worryingly gentle:

"Be quiet, Arji. He’s been subdued. Sol and Ori have him. Stay still."

One of his hands was nearly on my shoulder, and I turned my head, examining it with fuzzy concentration. Here was a man who spent most of the day pushing me around, and I couldn't remember if he had ever touched me. I tried to ask, but opening my mouth made my chest feel like it had caught on fire again, and Wufa hushed me sternly.

I thought I was going to die, and that can do funny things to a guy. So I hushed—and I kissed his hand instead. It was peculiarly soft and smelled like ink.

His eyes got so big so fast that I would have laughed if my body could stand it. _Yeah, I know,_ I wanted to say as the siren grew louder and then abruptly stopped. _You don't like to be touched, but me, I don't like people telling me what to do, so let's call it square._ But I was listening to him for once, and I lay there nice and quiet as the emergency healers rushed in and did their best to save my life. 

I would explain it to him later.


End file.
